The Lost Valentine (2011)

I knew there would come a time during this year I would be backed into a corner. I knew that I was not going to get away with watching the one thing men fear above all else... a chick flick! Let’s face it, every man likes to pretend that he is in charge. But all pretence must be left aside here. The fact that I have watched this film makes all idle manly boasts about being in charge completely irrelevant. I would rather go on a 10 mile run wearing my fiancé’s highest heels screaming I am a big fat sissy whore all the way than watch this film... yet here I am writing a review on it.

Jennifer Love Hewitt is a modern day reporter for a TV show or something (already I'm realising I may not have been paying this film my full attention). She stumbles upon a story about a lady who goes to the train station every Valentine's Day to wait for her husband to return from World War 2. Hewitt has the perfect life, with the perfect boyfriend etc... Then she starts the interview of a lifetime and meets the hunky grandson of the widow as the director cuts between past and present to tell both stories...

Phew I think that is basically the whole plot in one small paragraph. I don't need to go on do I? Really? Look, if you need me to go on you have probably never seen a film before. You might be the kind of person who winds a jack-in-the-box and jumps every time it pops. Maybe you watched Titanic and were shocked when it sank.

I found myself wondering who would enjoy this film. All insults aside it is a straight up romance with some attempt at comedy and shameless illusions of being a weepy. My fiancé assures me it was a decent film and would be enjoyed by girls on a sleep over. I on the other hand find it much more fun to be mean about it!

I did laugh out loud at one point. The handsome love interest tells our panting love struck puppy J. Hew that he gave up a great job because he saw the type of men who did that job: " divorced, unhappy, don't see their kids" as some soppy music plays in the background. OMG how perfect is this man, with his good looks and family values. This guy gives all the rest of us a bad name. This is a scene of breathtakingly obvious proportions that gets replicated across an entire genre. You know the moment in any chick flick where the girl falls for the guy over a tender moment. Her eyes drink him in, her lip quivers ever so slightly as he gazes off into the distance telling a little anecdote to illustrate how perfect he is! Sorry I just sicked a little in my mouth.

I understand that people will watch this film and I can't blame them because it will deliver what it says on the tin. I suppose I can't even blame the film makers because they have delivered what they set out to do and made some money in the process. What really bothers me is that I hate myself for agreeing to watch this. The story of an elderly woman's long lost love and the tribute it pays to the armed forces are trivialised by the attempt to fit it into the chick flick genre. The shallow contrived rubbish of the modern day romance lays waste to anything good that might have been here.

2/10