Knight and Day (2010)

During the course of this year I am determined to watch a wide variety of films. Some old, some new and some I ordinarily wouldn’t touch with a stinky tramp's bargepole. I knew I was going to have to take the rough with the smooth, sort the wheat from the chaff and trawl through the good the bad and the ugly... So with this torrent of clichés in mind I came to watch Knight and Day.

Within minutes of the start you are told to see Tom Cruise as the unflappable, ultra cool, wise cracking action hero. Cameron Diaz is the sexy but dipsy and ultimately resourceful foil to Tom 'Superman' Cruise. I was already wondering if I will see a more cliché ridden film all year. Could this movie be any more formulated?

Can't you just hear the voiceover guy that seems to do the trailers for all these films? You know the one, impossibly deep and urgent tones... "Cruise and Diaz in an action packed comedy... A high octane thriller... Taking you on a rollercoaster ride..." I can picture the film producers sipping mojitos during their power lunch in an overpriced LA 'hip' spot throwing around phrases like: Star vehicle, quirky comedy, on-screen chemistry.

Which basically translates to: let’s take a weak idea, pay two huge stars to go through the motions and make some money at the box office. Whatever happened to making films to tell a story or even just to try to engage the audience on an emotional level just for the briefest of times? Instead we are treated to 90 minutes of another Hollywood studio making a film with nothing but profit in mind. Self pleasure from the money men is all I can see here, like a dog licking its own bits just because it can!!

I do feel obliged to talk about the plot a little as this is meant to be a film review. Blah blah secret agent. Blah blah framed. Blah blah clears name. That’s about it really.

The two main characters are so obvious it is patronising. Cruise tries hard to be the man all women want and all men want to be. Diaz is the gorgeous girl who happens to love classic cars and can even restore them! See what they did there? Back to those Hollywood producers on their fifth mojito by now, "it's the perfect date movie; it will appeal to both sexes."

Sticking with the obvious theme there was one scene that annoyed me more than most. Diaz has been captured by bad guys and has been given some 'truth serum' so she will give them some info about something I stopped paying attention to eons before. Cruise rescues her. Do you need me to go on? F**k it, I'm going to anyway! "Miller you excite me" she blurts out. "I feel like having sex now." "We could have really great sex." Hmmm didn't see those jokes coming.

I'm probably being too harsh. I knew what I was sitting down to watch and it wasn't far from what I expected. I wouldn't go to a Cheryl Cole gig expecting Mozart and I wouldn't watch Eastenders expecting to have my mood uplifted. Yet I kept thinking that True Lies with Arnie and Jamie Lee Curtis was everything this film wanted to be and never came close to achieving.

The best thing I can say about Knight and Day is that it is fast paced and Diaz looks good in a bikini. Oh and in the end credits there is a 'Marine coordinator' named Captain Troy Waters.

2/10