Predators (2010)

I sat down to watch this film with a mixture of dread and curiosity. I loved the first Predator film, where Arnie and a team of commandos (including WWF's Jesse 'The Body' Ventura!) are hunted through a jungle by a menacing alien foe. It was loud, dumb and fun. The film introduced us to the mythology of the Predators, giant animalistic hunters with laser guns mounted on their hulking shoulders and enough gadgets to make Batman feel inadequate. For a kid watching films with his mates this was a genius idea! Many years later this franchise is on its 5th incarnation, so I was really worried this might be another lazy money spinner, a film with nothing to say and no new ideas. Can a franchise that has lived so long produce any magic or will it end up being a sad parody of itself?

While I'm on the subject there is no word I hate more in the movie world than franchise. It translates to: Greedy attempt to cash in on a good idea by producing endless amounts of films of decreasing quality that will continue to be churned out until they do not make any profit. There are some exceptions of course (The Dark Knight maybe?) but in general a film which just revisits the original with new actors and one or two additions to the source story is just f***ing lazy. It’s like genetics; if nothing new is introduced into the gene pool then you end up with the hideous results of years of inbreeding like some of the European royal families.

So is this film as disturbing as a 10th generation monarch parading his idiocy around trying to grab everyone’s attention, or can it add to the Predator mythology with some style and new ideas? The plot is hardy groundbreaking, a collection of seasoned killers from Earth's various warzones are deposited on an alien planet used as a hunting ground by the Predators. The mob struggle to make sense of where they are and what is happening as they are killed off one by one. No surprises there then. I found this to be little more than a remake of the 1987 film, but instead of having Arnold Schwarzenegger and a collection of likeable but stereotypical jocks we have Adrien Brody as the group’s leader! That’s right, Adrien Brody. I didn't believe it myself and I'm not sure Brody ever quite believes it either. It seems as realistic as casting me as the hot female lead in a chick flick. One of the highlights of this film had to be Brody's gruff commando voice!

Another unintended positive had to come from the good ethnic mix of the characters. Most creeds and colours are represented in the Predator's prey, which fills me with hope that discrimination is a thing of the past among alien cultures. The main problem with this group however is that there are no likeable characters among them. I couldn't wait for our hero (yes I am now referring to the murderous monsters as heroes) to point his laser at someone’s head and make it explode all over my HD TV! There is a surprise cameo from a perfectly crazy Laurence Fishburn which was the only real highlight for me.

I also failed to understand what this film wanted to be. It takes an eternity for the action to begin, making me think it wanted to play on suspense like Ridley Scott's Alien. Yet it is clearly an action film as there is no mystery to the plot. So why give the pretence of suspense when you can go straight into some balls out action scenes and grip the audience from the start? Why bore me for 30 minutes before anything of note happens? Life is far too short!

There are some positives to be found for fans of the Predator mythology as a little more is revealed about their culture but is it worth enduring a dull rehash of the original film to discover perhaps 2 new pieces of info? Not for me I'm afraid.

4/10